Disclaimers: I own nothing, I am nothing, leave me alone you lawyer-shaped nasties! Joss is king, I am but a humble serf, I know my place in the world. Good enough? Lyrics belong to Tracy Chapman.
This is a story requested by a buddy of mine, who knows who she is, so there. History, girl, history! So blame her for this.
A pseudo-prequel to "Wonderland", if you'd like to think that way. This contains romantic elements between two persons of the same gender. If that bugs you, why the hell are you reading anything that I've written?
Feedback can be sent to ressick@yahoo.com while archiving is okay for the regular suspects while everyone else has to ask nicely, if they actually want it. Why, I do not know...
****
Journey's End
...
Cordelia Chase tried to ignore the fact that she felt empty. Her life was going well. Unlike her boss, she actually was alive. She had a decent job, good friends, a personal cook-slash-roomie, even if he was a ghost, and she was starting to break into the L.A. acting scene.
But it didn't seem to matter. She leaned back in her chair, adjusting her short dress to barely cover her upper thighs, and sighed. Even re-doing her nails hadn't helped much in the relaxation department. Something made her gut tense, and she didn't know what, or why for that matter. She shook her head, disgusted with herself, and leaned forwards to pick up the copy of the New York "Times" that Angel had left behind that morning.
Since moving to L.A. she had found it useful to stay on top of current events, and the former cheerleader currently was able to rattle off facts and statistics for all the major and minor news stories from around the world. And it kept her mind off things.
Like Faith. Like the way butterflies took up residence in her stomach every time she ran into the reformed criminal. The slayer had been released from prison a few scant months beforehand, after some shady associate of her boss had somehow managed to abscond with all the evidence regarding Faith's charges. The trial had been summarily stopped once the prosecution realized it had nothing to go on. Faith was a free woman, and had quickly set herself up in a small, dingy apartment, working as an assistant for Angel Investigations. The dark slayer considered it the least she could do.
They ran into each other at least a few times a week, working together for Angel, trying to keep the demons at bay, save the world, things Cordelia had done since high school. Their little extension of the old Scooby gang was always hard at work at something, and they found that they made a formidable team, between Cordelia's quietly logical intelligence and Faith's street smart slayer skills. They had been able to stop two demons risings, four turnings, a kidnapping, a haunting, a demonic possession, and a plot by vampires to take over a local pub, all in the first month of teaming up. Angel considered the pair to be his advance guard against evil, sent off to deal with that for which he didn't have time. Even Wesley, with all his Watcher knowledge, took a back seat to the odd couple of a team.
Cordelia tried to ignore her stomach's flutterings, tried to push down the warm jolt she got every time she was in the company of the dark slayer, someone she had once been very much afraid of, especially early on after Faith awoke from her coma. The sometimes-actress found it to be an almost impossible task.
Especially when the object of her lust decided to perch precariously on the corner of Cordelia's desk, giving her a very nice view of leather-encased thighs and a tight midriff bared by one of the half-shirts Faith was so fond of.
"Morning, Cordy," said the reformed Slayer quietly.
"Hey," she said, looking up from her paper. As much as the butterflies were a problem, it hurt her even more to see the utter desolation in her friend's eyes. She knew that Faith didn't let many people see beyond the mask, and each time the slayer dropped it, Cordy had an urge to gather up the dark slayer in her arms and never let go, just to try and chase some of that sadness from Faith's gaze. Cordelia lightly placed a hand on the slayer's thigh and entwined her fingers with the other woman's. "C'mon, I think we have some coffee left," she said softly, getting up and leading Faith by the hand. "Rough night?"
"Yeah, you could say that," replied Faith, running a free hand roughly through her hair.
Cordy let go of the slayer's hand, and poured some coffee. Handing it to Faith, she turned and lightly frowned. "You shouldn't be alone for that, Faith. Would you like to stay with me for a little while, see if having someone else around helps?"
Faith sipped at the coffee, considering her friend's offer. "It's worth a shot," she shrugged, "anything to try and chase these nightmares away. I haven't slept well in a long time."
She tried to hide her smile, and merely nodded, "Good. Come on over, about eight?"
"Sounds great to me."
****
Cordelia was ready. Even Dennis was ready, with a plateful of his roomie's friend's favorite foods. Faith had been over her apartment several times, for late-night meetings or post-battle clean ups. But it was different to consider the slayer staying over for the night, like a sleepover from high school almost. Except that she knew Faith had never graduated, or even attended, high school.
She started at the sound of a hesitant knock on her door. Quickly, but not too quickly, she opened it to reveal Faith in the doorway, one hand clutching a simple brown paper bag while the other uncomfortably curled into a fist, as the slayer shifted from one foot to the other.
"Come on in," she said softly, smiling reassuringly. Surprising herself and the other woman, she greeted Faith with a gentle hug, then stepped back to let the slayer pass and close the door.
"Hey, thanks, Cordy," mumbled Faith, seemingly at a loss.
"It's no problem, really. Here, put your stuff down, if you'd like," replied Cordelia, taking the slayer's bag and putting it beside the door. "Dennis made you some food."
Faith smiled, the grin reaching her eyes and sparkling. "Thank you, that'd be wonderful." A plate of food floated towards her and she laughed, "Thank you Dennis, it looks great." She accepted the plate, and started to eat, until a noisy cough broke her concentration. "What?" she asked innocently.
"Utensils."
"Utensils?"
"Uh huh. Utensils." Cordelia disappeared into the kitchen for a second and returned with a fork, which Faith promptly started using.
"Thanks, C," she said between mouthfuls.
Cordelia grinned, "You're welcome. You want some TV with that lasagna, or what?" With Faith's energetic nod, she laughed. "C'mon, I think there's some good stuff on tonight."
****
"I can't believe I'm watching a Disney movie. Faith, this is so second grade!" whined Cordelia twenty minutes later, when after vicious channel surfing, her friend had decided on Beauty and the Beast, which was currently showing on the Disney Channel.
"C'mon, you can't say you haven't seen it. And you have to admit, it's a good movie," replied the slayer, voice muffled by pasta and sauce.
"But it's a cartoon!"
"So's anime. And lots of adults watch anime. Loosen up a bit, C. Watching a movie isn't gonna land you in the social reject pile." Faith grinned at her friend, then laughed at the dancing household objects onscreen. "Gotta love those candlesticks, anyway!"
Cordelia laughed out loud at the cartoon candlesticks. "Yeah," she said softly.
Faith looked over at her companion, and smiled. "Hey, C?"
"Yes, Faith?" replied the taller woman.
"Thanks." The word was so quietly spoken as to seem a whisper, and Cordelia felt her heart warming at the simple sentiment.
"You’re very welcome," she responded.
****
The movie finished, and Faith cleaned off another plate of Dennis’s cooking. It was almost nine o’clock, certainly too early to turn in, but too late to go anywhere. With few options, they sat side by side on the couch, arguing over what channel to watch.
"Star Trek!" offered Faith, after a quick scan of TV Guide.
"No," vetoed Cordelia with a raised eyebrow.
"Forever Knight?"
"You slay vampires for a living, and on your off hours you want to watch them on television? Give me a break."
"You work for one," countered the slayer.
"Yeah, well, whatever," said Cordelia, dismissing the challenge out of hand.
"Look, there’s not much on. Cooking shows, that weird show that reviews porn on FX, infomercials, old sitcoms, black and white movies. Choose SOMETHING, Cordy."
"Fine, give me the remote. We’ll let chance decide." The actress grabbed the remote control, and played with it for a minute. When the clicker stopped, the pair found themselves watching an old black and white movie with Shirley Mclaine and Audrey Hepburn.
"What the fuck is this? Give me the TV Guide," Faith demanded. After flipping through for a second, she read off, "It’s ‘The Children’s Hour’, from 1962." Her eyes widened as she read the description. "Wait, I’ve heard of this movie... Whoa, you sure you want to watch this one, C?"
"Whyever not?" scoffed Cordelia.
"Cuz it’s about this lesbian chick and her crush on her best friend and it’s really depressing." Faith took a breath then continued, "At least, that’s what my ex said. She never got me to sit down and watch it."
Cordelia’s raised eyebrows nearly reached her hairline.
The slayer took in her friend’s face, and felt herself become crestfallen. "I’m... I’m sorry, Cordy, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s a good movie, I’ll let you watch it. Thanks for having me over, anyway." She rose, not looking the tall woman in the eyes. She walked across the room silently, and reached for her paper bag of possessions.
"Faith, wait," came a very small voice from the couch. "Come back and sit down, please," asked Cordelia. Faith stopped and complied for the simple reason that her friend had never said ‘please’ before. "I’m sorry," said Cordelia simply. "I shouldn’t have reacted that way."
"I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place, Cordy, so don’t waste an apology," mumbled the slayer.
"Yes, you should have," replied Cordy. "We’re friends, right? I mean, I think we are. And friends share things like that. I wasn’t a very good friend to just stare."
Faith’s heart slowly warmed to the prospect of counting the tall brunette as her friend. "It’s okay," she said finally.
Cordelia smiled gently. "Thank you. Now, c’mon, let’s watch this movie, and then we’re gonna talk."
"Okay," Faith quietly replied.
By the time the movie was finished, the two young women had tears in their eyes. Both wiped the salty drops away roughly, and sat together silently as the credits rolled.
"Well, talking now was the plan," muttered Cordelia.
"Yeah," echoed Faith.
"Knowing what to say would be helpful though," said Cordelia wryly.
"Yeah," was the answer. "Look, I know it probably makes you uncomfortable... that I’m gay, I mean. And it probably confuses you a little too. Why don’t you just ask me whatever you want to know?"
"Okay," replied the actress slowly, drawing out the word. "Umm..." She laughed, self-consciously, "ah, why didn’t you ever tell us before?"
Faith shrugged, "I don’t know. It was just easier... to fit in, I guess."
"But... Xander?" Cordelia cringed as she voiced the question, but needed to know.
"A fling, a roll in the hay. I was messed up, and he was the only one offering me anything. I know he was your boyfriend, before, and I’m so sorry." She wrung her hands, "I screwed up a lot then," she added softly, "It’s not an excuse, it’s just a fact."
Cordelia peered into her friend’s eyes. She saw in the dark brown orbs the same heart-breaking anguish she’d glimpsed before. The actress did what came most naturally. She gathered up Faith into her arms and held the other girl tightly, rocking the slayer back and forth as sobs overcame Faith’s control and wracked her body. "Shhh... shhh... it’s alright," she murmured comfortingly as the short brunette clung to her.
After a few long minutes, Faith gained back control of herself and gently disengaged herself from their embrace quietly saying, "Thank you." She smiled gently, "No one’s done that for me in a long time."
"Anytime, Faith," responded Cordelia, smiling in return. "I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. You want to try and sleep?"
The dark slayer nodded, a little weight lifting off her shoulders. "Sure. Just hand me a blanket and I’ll set up on the couch."
She laughed nervously, "Um... well, you came over here so that if you had nightmares you wouldn’t be alone. I thought the plan was to share sleeping arrangements. But if that bothers you..." she trailed off.
"No, it doesn’t, if you’re okay with it," replied Faith cautiously. "So... sleep?"
"Yup," replied the taller brunette, rising and tugging her friend up with her. "C’mon." They walked nervously towards Cordelia’s bedroom, and quietly took turns changing in the bathroom. Faith ended up wearing loose-fitting shorts and a t-shirt while Cordelia wore plaid pajama bottoms and a tank top. They slid into their separate sides of the large bed and Cordelia flicked off the lightswitch. Bathed in darkness, with only a few random sounds from the street below, they lay silent and still.
"Cordy?"
"Yeah?"
"I can’t sleep."
"Well, me neither."
The light came back on, and they found themselves staring at each other at close range.
"So, any ideas?" A shrug from her companion. They were quiet, studying each other, the room, the shadows from the street below.
"Not really." Several minutes passed. "It’s okay, I’ll go set up on the couch, let you try and get some sleep," Faith said, trying to slide out of bed. A hand on her arm made her stop.
"No. Please, Faith?" The hand moved, and Faith felt the mattress shift. Cordelia flicked a switch, and her stereo started to play softly. The music was soft, soothing, and she thought she’d rescued the situation until she heard Faith softly begin to cry.
At this point in my life I’ve done so many things wrong I don’t know if I can do right...
At this point in my life I’d like to live as if only love mattered as if redemption was in sight...
"Faith?"
"It’s okay, Cordelia," whispered Faith, wiping away her tears roughly, and rolling away from her friend. "I’ll leave you alone, let ya get some sleep." She moved to get up, but a gentle hand restrained her.
Cordelia opened up her arms and Faith fell into them gratefully. Over the course of the night, she released years of pain through her tears, and her friend just held her, rocking her softly and whispering that everything would be all right.
"I... I’m so sorry, C, I didn’t mean to cry on you all night," she said haggardly, after wiping her final tears away. She tried to pull away from their embrace, but Cordelia wouldn’t let her.
"It’s okay. Maybe, at least, you won’t have nightmares tonight," replied the actress, gently smoothing down Faith’s hair. The lights flicked off again, and Cordy smiled in the darkness, "Thanks Dennis."
*****
They awoke in a tangled embrace, a mix of limbs and bodies and warmth. It was new and warm and different from anything either had ever known. They lay together for a long time, letting the sun rise and begin warming the earth. Neither moved, fearing even the slightest movement would disturb the rocky peace between them. Finally, Cordelia felt a breath of wind by her cheek, and Dennis pulled up the sheets around them. Both tensed at the movement, slowly opening up their eyes. Faith was wrapped around Cordelia, using the former cheerleader like a big pillow, while the taller brunette’s arms were firmly holding the dark slayer to her, and their legs were tangled together.
"Good morning," Faith whispered fearfully.
There was an unmistakable fearful tremor in Cordelia’s voice as she replied, "Morning, Faith." Misinterpreting her friend’s nervousness, Faith silently began to pull away, but Cordelia’s arms tightened around her without conscious thought.
"Cordy?" asked the dark slayer.
"It... it’s okay, it really is," she whispered. "Stay, if you like." There was an edge of pleading to her voice.
Faith breathed in, her voice catching in her throat. Instead of replying, she merely relaxed in the other woman’s embrace. Smiling, she brushed her lips over Cordelia's and nestled back into the cheerleader's arms. A new day began. And neither was afraid to face it.
...finis...