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Disclaimers: I own nothing- they all belong to the Joss and his cardboard alien minions. And the song is "Fear" by Sarah McLachlan, who is not me, so therefore I don't own that either. I am a lowly peon- please don't sue me. This has exceedingly minor SPOILERS for "New Moon Rising".

What the hell? I'm writing for a CANON couple! Never thought I'd say that! Aren't they so darn cute? And hot?! Contains girl-girl action of a PG-13 fully-clothed warm snuggly variety.

Feedback on this fic can go to ressick@yahoo.com but please be nice, it's my first songfic. Archiving: why this? but Gary is welcome to it if he wants, everyone else: ask and ye shall most likely receive.

Lastly, Summary: This started out as a songfic, and morphed. A little. Just a happy piece of funky fluff.

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Fears

by Ressick

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The light shined into the room, muted and dispersed by the curtains, but she could tell it was there, could feel it on her face just barely, warming and glowing. She smiled at the song that played on her stereo.

morning smiles like the face of a newborn child, innocent, unknowing
winter's end, promises of a long lost friend

When did you say I'd someday fall in love, Natalie? she wondered. Her best friend as a child had sworn that she'd fall in love, when she herself had doubted it. Who would ever want to love me- I'm shy and dorky and awkward and everything someone like her wouldn't want. But even though Natalie had stopped talking to her, after their discussion about *that* Ellen episode, she still had to thank her old friend.

speaks to me of comfort
but i fear i have nothing to give

Or at least nothing I would have thought she'd want. I was wrong- and praise all the gods and goddesses for that! The hacker she loved had seen something, felt something, that Tara herself never could have guessed, had sensed that there was more to the blond witch than the shy frumpy exterior.

i have so much to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in your embrace

She opened her eyes, and reflexively smiled at the sight that greeted her. Willow was curled up against her, the hacker's shallow breathing indicative of sleep, and a faint smile curled on her lips, lips that Tara could easily spend a lifetime kissing. The pair had spent the night talking, far into the wee dawn hours they'd shared, and laughed, and just floated on the high of love. She reveled in the feeling. Loneliness was a thing of the past for Tara, and above all she feared losing it. In the dark nights that Willow spent away from her, she tried not to dwell on her fears. Willow loved her. And that was a love she had found herself trusting more and more as time went by.

there's nothing i'd like better than to fall
but i fear i have nothing to give

She'd fallen in love, as predicted. But still the doubts and little niggling voices plagued her. Willow had so much to offer: her skills at the computer, her witchy abilities, her caring nature, her beauty, her honesty, and a million other traits Tara would gladly list until she was hoarse. And this model of humanity offered all that to a girl no one had wanted to bother with until that night in Stevenson hall, when she sought out the other witch and when trapped in a laundry room their powers had joined to save them both. For the first time then, Tara had felt that maybe she had something to offer this girl, maybe something to offer others in general.

wind in time rapes the flower trembling on the vine and nothing yields to shelter from above
they say temptation will destroy our love

Temptation she saw in the form of Oz. She genuinely liked him- had sensed his good nature and kind spirit even as his wolf form tried to kill her. And she knew what kind of offer he could make to Willow- a first love, a first lover, a series of memories that she knew the other girl treasured. But something had made Willow choose Tara- if there was even a question of it being a choice for her. The temptation to return to that first, comfortable love had been resisted. Instead, the hacker had ended up in a new situation, with someone who undoubtedly loved her. And Tara had to laugh at her insecurities then- doubts that had plagued her and nearly destroyed her- because she had sensed that perhaps the young woman she was so torn up over perhaps, maybe, possibly, felt the exact same way about her.

the never-ending hunger
but i fear i have nothing to give

Everything came down to fear. Her hunger for companionship, for someone to talk to, for someone to love- she'd held back for fear of not being good enough to warrant those things in the first place. She'd kept to herself, believing the lies, the taunts, others had heaped on her all her life, repeated them until they became a mantra. And the fear kept her locked away from others, until there was too good a something- someone- to reach out for, someone undoubtedly worth the risk. And for the first time in her life, the risk had paid off.

i have so much to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in our embrace

She had put her heart out on the line, and had loved someone. She had been loved back, and basked in the glow of their friendship, their love. Willow stirred a bit in her arms, sighed before snuggling back down into her lover's arms. Tara smiled, a deep, contented, grateful smile. She had so much to lose if... she didn't want to think about it, but something, some niggling little voice that had never led her astray, doubted that Willow could have ever hurt her. Each touch, kiss, word from the other woman had cemented even more her fragile belief/hope that she had found her soulmate. And even if the unthinkable had happened, she knew that even such a single simple memory- of Willow curled up in her arms, with the new morning sunlight shining on them both- was worth any hurt.

there's nothing i'd like better than to fall
but i fear i have nothing to give
i have so much to lose
i have nothing to give
we have so much to lose...

It was fragile, and tender, and beautiful. They were together, and in love. So much invested in such fallible weak shells over such beautiful strong souls. So much on the line, so much hope for the future. Tara glanced over at the clock at her bedside. The day needed to begin, as much as she dreaded Willow moving from her arms. She bent her head and gently kissed the hacker's cheek.

"Willow? Time to get up honey," she said softly, still amazed at how easily the terms of endearment came from her lips.

"Don't wanna," she mumbled, per the norm.

The blond witch laughed quietly, more a rumble of amusement than an actual chuckle. "I know, but we have to. The day's starting." She smiled, and kissed Willow again, more passionately. The hacker's head rose with the gentle exploration, and she opened her eyes.

"What a nice way to wake up," she murmured, causing the other woman to blush. She shifted in their bed, and a fine-boned hand lifted to caress her lover's cheek. "Love you," she said softly, tenderly.

"Love you too," was the gentle rejoinder. She leaned into the hand on her cheek, and smiled again. She took the hand in hers, and kissed its palm. Weathered by age, the skin was paper-thin and criss-crossed by blue veins. The face she loved to look at was easily a fine piece of exotic beauty- aged perhaps, but still exquisite. They stared into each other's eyes until there was a small thump at the end of the bed.

"Nana! Gramma!" squeaked a little girl of five.

The pair laughed at the antics of their granddaughter as she scrambled up the bed to cuddle with her grandmothers. A few minutes later a young woman wandered in, after politely knocking. She was the archetype of beauty in both her mothers' and her husband's minds. Long strawberry blond hair framed a face with deep hazel eyes. She smiled, still looking vaguely unkempt in her bathrobe.

"I'm sorry, mom, mama, she got away from me again. Sweetie, don't bother your grandmamas so much, 'kay?" said the young woman.

"No!" said the little girl defiantly. She pouted, and Tara laughed, tousled her hair.

"She's no bother to us, you know that Laura," objected Willow, gently chastising their daughter.

"I know mom," sighed the young woman. "But it's time for good little girls to take their baths," she said, directing the statement at an impertinent young lady who was whispering in her gramma's ear.

Tara laughed, and pulled away from her granddaughter's ear. "Okay, Jenny, why don't you go with your mom, okay? We'll see you in a little while." Jenny pouted for another minute, then kissed both her grandmothers' cheeks and hopped off the bed.

After the door was shut again, the pair nestled back into their embrace. "You were awake before me this morning, love," murmured Willow.

"Like always," rejoined Tara.

A small silence signaled her wife's acquiescence to the point. "What do you think about while I'm sleeping?" she asked after a second.

Tara shrugged slightly. "Just memories this morning. Mostly about how much I love you."

It was Willow's turn to blush. "I love you," she repeated unnecessarily. "Memories, huh?"

"Yeah," whispered Tara, kissing her wife lover partner best friend gently. "Moving the soda machine in the laundry room, and your little 'extra-flamey candle' speech."

They giggled softly together, like the young women they had once been. Both their heads were streaked with gray, and the plagues of old age had begun. Yet they had their family- their daughter, their son-in-law, and their granddaughter. They had some of their friends still- Xander, Anya, Cordelia, Wesley, and Angel. But most important of all, they had each other.

Tara reached over to their nightstand and picked up their wedding bands. "Where you go, I will go," she said, taking Willow's hand in her own.

"Where you lodge, I will lodge," said Willow, taking Tara's hand.

"Your people shall be my people," Tara slipped the wedding band on Willow's finger.

"And your gods my gods," Willow slipped the wedding band on Tara's finger.

They spoke the last verses quietly together, "Where you die, I will die- there will I be buried. May the Goddess do thus and so to me, and more as well, if even death parts me from you!" They kissed lightly, tenderly, as they heard the sounds of their granddaughter splashing in her bath down the hall.

"Happy anniversary," said Tara.

"It's been a wonderful fifty years, my love," replied Willow.

"And goddess help us, I hope for fifty more."

The End

...

Note: if you don't recognize it, the wedding vows are from the Book of Ruth, I just messed with them a bit to fit a couple of wiccan/pagan gals.